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It was the day I’d long hoped for, marrying a nice Jewish girl. In fact, by the time we’d started dating, I’d given up on Jewish women, and my dream of a perfect Jewish wedding, altogether. The intense pressure I felt to date and marry within the tribe damaged my perception of Jewish women and my ability to be myself around them.
This information was pounded in from all directions, from rabbis, from my parents, my grandparents, Hebrew High School, Camp Ramah.
In high school, this decision proved to be mostly moot. I tried not to follow up on them at first, but I was frustrated and lonely and had finite willpower.
After one date, though, I would beat myself up mentally for breaking my rule, and I’d avoid making second dates.
For what it’s worth, the research indicates women are looking for “man-like” behavior early in dating. It points to tendencies among members of a specific group — university students — and the results are possible trends, not absolute predictors.