Invalidating someone elses experience

by  |  18-May-2020 20:19

An invalidator will pick out the qualities about yourself that are most important to you and then tear them apart. If she really thinks you are onto her, she may apologize and then not invalidate you again . Invalidators are around us every day, tormenting us with their promises, rejoicing in our weaknesses, demanding our trust, our votes, and our lives, while remaining totally indifferent to everything except their thirst for power.

An invalidator will listen to you share something that you don't like about yourself and then later use it against you. Power to order the lives of other men consoles them for their own insufficiencies, their lack of humanity.

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He takes accusations that have "some truth" and fires them at you "in all honesty," "just being your friend," "to help you out." The difference between an invalidator and a real friend is that a real friend will tell you one negative thing about yourself and then back off to give you space to consider it. She may make you look silly for even thinking such things about her. In short, the invalidator does whatever is necessary to control you.

An invalidator will lay many of your faults out for you and persist until you feel as big as the period at the end of this sentence. She may make you feel guilty or cheap in front of your friends for accusing her of invalidating you. Whatever she can do to invalidate you further, she will. He is control-crazy, and any time he perceives himself to be not in control, he will be scared.

Crimes, natural disasters, wars, and accidents are not personal.

Though those events are traumatic, they do not feel like a personal attack, singling you out exclusively.

Moment when I realized that the desolation caused by mental disorders is compounded when people don’t receive the empathy they need. But in fact, it is driving a big, fat wedge between the giver and the receiver. It’s as if we are saying to the person, “Your pain is so trivial that mere words can change it.” We are, of course, not trying to say that when we are sympathizing. Comparison is the thief of happiness: another wonderful quote I heard Brené say in her that her situation isn’t so bad.

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